I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
