Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
