He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
