So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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