My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
