dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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