Dude my mom stole all your condoms
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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