I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
