we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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