This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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