Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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