Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
