ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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