the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
