I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
