So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
