Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
