I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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