Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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