Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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