no, he came in my armpit
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
