On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
