Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
