Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
