we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize