Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
