If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
