Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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