ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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