well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i think i just lost a toe
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
