I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
