you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
