Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
