Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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