I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
