toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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