she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
