i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
