Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
