We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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