I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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