ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
