i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
