Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
