get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
