I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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