I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
