Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
