We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize