great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize