Bisexual people are plain selfish.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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