There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
