people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
