I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
