i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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