8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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