I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize