do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
