Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize