It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
