Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
