We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
